Friday, May 25, 2012

The Grand Springtime Voyage of the S.S. SpazzAttack

I know I know. I've been away for a while. But I figs it's better to be out living your life than blogging about it. Plus I haven't been very inspired, but I just spent roughly an hour browsing funnycatpix.com and listening to Skrillex to get myself AMPED for some heavy blogging. So let's gooooo!




The month of April went like this:



Where the big white space is Turkey and the black lines are my travel route

And I saw a lot of amazing things that made me feel like this:



Like:
  • In Fethiye, an abandoned Lycian ghost town called Kayakoy. Getting there required hiking up a hill that went forever, sweating balls, and then eventually hitchhiking with an old man who was also transporting a box of precious tweeting baby chickens
  • A rock that eerily resembled Abraham Lincoln 
  • In Bodrum, a series of very ominous thunderstorms, a Byzantine castle, dogs the size of horses, and about a zillion free cups of cay and kahve from very friendly locals
  • In Mardin, kilometers and kilometers and kilometers (still using metric system) of gorgeous rolling green fields and luxurious 1000-year-old hotels with shmancy showers
  • A private Kurdish jam sesh, Kurdish snack time, and Kurds playing Tavala (they take that shizz sursly)
  • In Midyat, 325843920 Orthodox monasteries that all looked and smelled the same but were majestic nonetheless
  • Also in Midyat, children playing with goats (!!!)
  • At Hasan Keyf, the Tigris River, the site of one of first civilizations of mankind that will soon be underwater, a group of picknicking children that I almost pillaged for food in another one of my infamous crazed hypoglycemic episodes
  • In the middle of BF nowhere, an ancient Assyrian city covered with the poop of various wildlife
  • In Ankara, the site of the dead rotting carcass of the legendary Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, a man whose pinky nail I will never amount to
  • Jennifer Rhima shaming America in front of a group of Turkish politicians 
  • In Konya, young boys who committed their lives to God and Sufism put on tall hats and long skirts and twirl in a circle for an hour so they could trance out of this world and into some other world where God is much closer 
  • Neolithic archaeological site Catalhuyuk, which I don't remember much because of the heat-induced coma

I feel a little tug to insert every single detail of every single trip to every single place and write a biography of every incredible person I met during my travels, but for the sake of brevity and to be respectful of everybody's attention spans, I'll just throw some photos down (only the good ones):


Lycia

Kween Kleo Kitty Kween of Kayakoy



Fethiye at sunset

Kedi felt entitled to our beach picnic

Trying to scare the bunnies out on bunny island
Fethiye hotel room Easter egg hunt! (Emily is a good lil' hider)



Playin futbol with some kid in Bodrum

Bodrum Castle
The bluest water I seen yet

Who let the Bodrum dogs out?
Mardin
Dope Hotel


Gettin Kurd-ed out
Tavala with Kurds


One of many monasteries

Most magnificent...



NO MORE CAY
The dumb-ass kedi we had to set free from the dungeon twice at the Assyrian association

Hasan Keyf--This will all be underwater within the next 20 years!
EL TIGRE

Never trust anyone who gives you Ayran





Jammin out to "Call Me Maybe" on the roof of the association

Ataturk's turf
BEHOLD




Everyone is miserable




That was April, and the month of May involved a lot of parties, which involved a lot of alcohol, which invariably led to me, the patient, kind-hearted sober shepherd, peeling my friends off of gross old guys and hooking them to my drunk leash.  


An earlier prototype of the
Drunk Leash℗. The advanced model has pockets for phone, wallet, and camera 
and comes with a banana bag to intravenously pump your shitfaced friends full of fluids



There was a boat party on the Bosphorus, which I enjoyed thoroughly, although I had a hard time figuring out who didn't foresee this recipe for disaster:
  • 1 parts exchange students
  • 4 parts alcohol
  • add boat and mix thoroughly

Yields 100 of these:





Then there was mine and Jennifer's birthweek, in which we both had the opportunity to turn 21 in a country where it doesn't matter.

During birthweek everyone else was like:








and I was like:





And that brings us here, to the last week of the semester. The end of the semester makes me feel like this :

which gives way to this:



and then this:






But....I have good news. 



IT AIN'T THE END. 
Because I get to stay in this amazing country all summer!

And that makes me feel like: