There are certain foods that you can't think too hard about or else you will immediately feel sick and never want to eat them again.
It usually happens when you are halfway through eating that food.
*any "facts" cited in this post may not be completely accurate
1. Egg salad sandwiches.
The unfertilized gametes of the descendents of gargantuan reptiles are cooked, chopped up, mixed with an emulsified mixture of gamete placenta and vegetable oil, and served between two pieces of bread.
2. Berries.
Plant ovaries. Bananas are berries, thus bananas are female gonads shaped like a male reproductive organ. Doubly unsettling.
3. Yogurt.
Bacteria in milk ferments and coagulates to become "creamy." In some more "healthy" brands of yogurt, more bacterial colonies are artificially injected so they can line the walls of your intestines and help you produce more gut mucus. Leaving a glass of milk outside on a hot summer day for a few hours= homemade yogurt. Sometimes it forms that watery protein layer on top, which can either be stirred in or drained off like the pus out of an infected wound, which, honestly, is probably less gross than the reality. Throw some plant ovaries in your coagulated bacteria for a yummy parfait.
4. Anything strawberry flavored.
"Natural" strawberry flavoring doesn't actually come from strawberries at all. It comes from the anal glands of beavers. So next time you are licking a delicious strawberry ice cream cone, you are basically licking a beaver's bunghole. Heaven FORBID you ever eat strawberry flavored yogurt.
5. Hot dogs.
For all the obvious reasons.
6. Mushrooms
Mushrooms are a fungus, and are therefore in the same kingdom as the stuff that grows on the bottoms of your feet if you leave your sweaty gym socks on all day. Toss in a salad, bon appetit!
7. The little oranges you sometimes find inside big oranges.
These are NOT a juicy, tangy bonus treat. These are the half-formed fetuses of the momma orange. Your orange was basically trying to have a baby. Do you like eating babies? Didn't think so.
I sincerely hope I have ruined at least one person's lunch for the day.
