"Booze it or lose it," they told me

"Aren't you bored?"

If I had a dollar for every time I got asked this at a social gathering, I'd have like, at least enough to buy a large pizza. Which I would probably eat all of. Because pizza.

I don't let the fact that I choose not to imbibe keep me from situations where I might actually have fun despite *wut* being stone cold sober. And I do have fun, almost always, until someone asks me what I'm drinking and I'm like "I'm not" and I get this face:

That's kind of not fun.

And the uncomfortable sideways glances, the lingering tension, the feeling that I'm somehow unwelcome, that's not fun. 

 And the inevitable "why" questions, those are actually a huge fun-crusher.

 "Is it like a religious thing? Are you in remission or something?" Ugh. NO.

"Do you not drink because you're Mormon?" UGH. NO. LABELS. ASSUMPTIONS. NO PLZ.

"Do you care if I drink?"

UGH. NO. FTLOG. Where would I get off judging someone for partaking in an activity that has been a staple of human existence since one Bronze Age bro called over his other Bronze Age bro and was like, "Bro, we left these grapes out too long and now my head feels totally weird. Try it."? 

But just because I skip that part of existence, should I have to explain myself? Does it have to be a big deal? Does it have to be a "deal" at all? 

I'll say this once (and maybe paraphrase it in the future. I haven't decided yet): My reason for not drinking is completely my own. And it's because I want to keep it 100% authentic, all the time. I want to see it all and feel it all through my own unadulterated faculties. I want to experience this moment in the same state of mind that I will remember it, fondly, in another moment. 

I don't drink because I so desperately want it all to be real.  
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"Aren't you bored?"

My response: "Aren't you sad?"

Aren't you sad that when you want to let loose and say screw it all and dance like a total weirdo, you need a bottle in your hand to make that an acceptable thing to do? Like, aren't you sad that you can't...just...dance?

Aren't you sad that when you aren't okay you have to alter your brain chemistry to make it okay, instead of just sittin around with your best and brightest homies and accepting the fact that sometimes it's okay to not be okay? 

Aren't you sad that in order to tell someone how you really feel, you need to feel...a little bit less...like yourself? 

I don't know. I guess you can't knock it till you try it. I just want it to be real.