Be Poor. Look Rich.

I know you wouldn't guess by looking at me in my usual uniform of saggy-butt jeggings and man sweaters, but I've actually been hugely into fashion since I was like, 13 years old. Reading fashion magazines, stalking style blogs, and putting together outfits from the crap in my closet clears my head and brings me immense joy. There's only one problem: I'm the cheapest cheap-ass in the history of cheap-assery. If it can't be found at Goodwill or on the sale rack at Marshall's, I'm not finna buy it. I have thus had to devise a few strategies to look like I have money to spend on clothes when I am actually struggling to afford a diet that isn't composed solely of condiments. I am here to share those tips with you. 

The Plebeian Guide to Dressing Like a Patrician

1. Geometry

--> Eleonora Carisi, http://www.joujouvilleroy.com/
Sharp lines are....sharp. A lot of high-end designers colorblock their pieces with clean, contrasting lines like Eleanora's dress, or play around with shapes. A full, A-frame skirt? YAS. A boxy blouse? OMG GIMME MORE. A structured bag? TALK DIRTY TO ME. A blazer with crisp, defined edges? BRB, FASHION BONER. 


2. Soft, Delicate Fabrics and/or Details

--> Jenny, http://www.goodbadandfab.com/   
Since the beginning of society, the aristocrats have sat around on their chaise lounges drinking fine wine and wearing silk, chiffon, and lace while the working class have labored on in heavy cotton and polyester coveralls. Before you buy something, close your eyes and stroke it sensually. Ignore the other shoppers who are looking at you funny. Does it feel like something you want to wrap yourself up naked in? Then you should probably buy it. Delicate, feminine details also give an item a pseudo-bourgeois appearance. The thin, criss-cross straps on Jenny's satin dress are soooo prettttyyy. And that pearly blush color with her olive skin and shiny black hair...want to tooooucchh. Part of looking rich is people wanting to touch you all the time. Get used to it. 


3. Monochrome

--> Veronica Popoiacu http://www.bittersweetcolours.com/ Wearing all one hue looks fresh and streamlined. It gives you more freedom to experiment with fun shapes and accessories without being too busy or breaking up your body. If you're a n00b you can start with wearing all black or all white, which is always super fly. Advanced level: wear different shades of the same color like Veronica. 

Bonus: matching separates. Because it gives the impression that you could afford to buy a whole outfit at once. #obsessed #goddess #wantthisoutfit #gimmedat

Shea Marie http://peaceloveshea.com/

4. Mixin' Prints

--> Nancy W, http://www.adoretoadorn.com/  Ever opened a high-end fashion magazine and it just kind of looks like the editor barfed a bunch of random prints onto the page but it looks good anyway? You can barf prints too! You're kind of allowed to go off-book on this one, just use your intuition. I usually follow two rules when mixing prints to avoid looking like a wacky-ass kindergartner:
a) Stick to a general color scheme. The two prints you mix should have at least one color in common. Nancy is going with black, and it pulls together the heavy paisley and the whimsical dots perfectly. 
b) If you are going bold with one print, be conservative with the other(s), e.g. If you're doing big florals do small stripes and vice versa. 






5. Statement Bling 

--> Aileen Belmonte http://aileenclarisse.blogspot.com/ Statement jewelry is a mind trick. It basically says "because I am bold and ostentatious and contain a lot of material, I must be expensive." Wrong. No one is going to get close enough to your statement necklace to see that it was actually made in China and is turning your neck green, so march into Forever 21, buy that $14 oversize bauble that has a couple rhinestones missing (negligible), and let it do the talking. 


 6. Cover Up
 

--> Viktoriya Sener http://www.tiebow-tie.com/ Been puttin' in the squats at the gym and want to show off your lean legs? Do it! Do you have flat, toned abs that you want to share with the world? First of all, supes jelly, second of all, go for it! Are you proud of your shapely boobies? Push dem girls up! But do it tastefully. In fashion, the focus should be on the clothes, not the body underneath them. Unless you're at the beach or a sorority house, there is no need for every square inch of your skin to be exposed. If your titties are about to escape from their assigned seats, it just makes everyone nervous. I love a cute pair of shorts, but FTLOG, can be PLEASE be done with shorts that show your thutcrack (the crease where your thigh ends and your butt begins)? I'm not saying you can't be flirtatious; showing an inch-wide strip of your tummy can be cute. I love it when you can see the edge of a pretty bra peeking out. And if you ask me, I think the full midi-skirts that cinch at the waist like Viktoriya's are pretty much the sexiest item of clothing on the market right now. 
7. Break Rules

It's a dead giveaway that you don't know how to dress yourself if you rigidly adhere to outdated fashion rules. Yeah, it's kind of hit or miss (I've had a LOT of misses), but you never know when you could stumble upon an amazing trend! Yes, you CAN mix colors that are close to each other on the color wheel like fuchsia and red or navy blue and black. Yes, you CAN wear black shoes with a brown belt. And if you still think you can't wear white in the winter, get back to the Depression Era where you belong. 

Happy shopping pleebs! You might even have some money left for ramen!