*OPEN SCENE* It's a rainy Monday night in June. Abi and Javi are on their first date at a mostly empty bar in San Francisco. Abi is working slowly on a Manhattan. It's very strong--she grimaces every time she takes a sip. Javi is on his second dark lager. He is fiddling with a coaster.
Abi: Kind of dead tonight, isn't it?
Javi: Yeah the Monday crowd didn't really turn out tonight.
Abi: There's a Monday crowd?
Javi: There's a crowd for every night of the week. The ratchetry literally never stops here.
Abi: Hm. Maybe the Mondays stayed in tonight because of the rain.
Javi: *tsk* Cowards.
Abi: It's okay, I'm just glad you asked me out on a Monday night and not like, a Thursday or Sunday.
Javi: Wait...What's wrong with going out on a Thursday or Sunday?
Abi: Seriously? It's like, the ultimate diss to ask someone out on a Thursday or Sunday. It's the most obvious way you can say, "I'm not interested in giving up a weekend night for you."
Javi: That is...this is the first I'm hearing of that.
Abi: It's true!
Javi: This is something you've given a lot of thought to, huh?
Abi: Um, no. Just a normal amount, probably, I think.
Javi *dryly*: Uh huh...
Abi: Shit, you think I'm weird now. You're gonna go home and tell your roommates how weird I am.
Javi: I don't have roommates.
Abi: In Pacific Heights? Jesus. What do you do?
Javi: I work for a hedge fund in--what?
Abi*caught off guard*: What?
Javi: I just saw the light leave your eyes.
Abi: Oh. No I just--
Javi: Is that a dealbreaker?
Abi*tentatively*: Um, no...it's just that I tend to be wary of people who think about money all day.
Javi: So it's a dealbender?
Abi: It's like a deal hairline fracture, yeah.
Javi: I'll take my chances. And just for the record, I don't just sit around thinking about money all day.
Abi: Well then what do you think about all day?
Javi: Lunch, mostly.
Abi: What if you've already had lunch?
Javi: Sex, mostly.
Abi: I appreciate your candor.
Javi: Don't mention it. What did you say you do?
Abi *visibly brightens*: Oh, I didn't. I just finished my Master's in education. I'm starting my first teaching job in September!
Javi: Nice. So you're allergic to money?
Abi *immediately becomes uncomfortable*: Uhhh...what?
Javi *fidgets on his stool*: It was...that was a joke. Because teachers don't...like...make that much money. They don't make enough money.
Abi: Oh...
Javi: It was a terrible joke. I'm sorry.
Abi: It's okay--
Javi: I can see it's clearly something you're passionate about. That's awesome. Good for you.
Abi: Thanks.
A tense silence ensues. Javi pretends to care about the score of a soccer game on the TV behind Abi's head. Abi takes a sip and grimaces.
Javi: How's the Manhattan?
Abi: It's pretty terrible. Wanna try?
*Abi scoots the glass toward Javi*
Javi: With that stunning endorsement, I think I'll have to.
*takes a sip*
Javi *emphatically pushes the glass away*: Ay caramba. I'll leave that to you.
Abi: How's the beer?
Javi: It's good! Try some.
Abi: Um, I'm good.
Javi: You sure?
Abi: Yeah. I uh, I have a gluten...thing.
Javi *looks at Abi with exaggerated pity*: Oh. Oh Abi. You're wonderful.
Abi *confounded*: What? What did I--is it the gluten thing!?
Javi: It's just that...Gluten, it's...it's is an integral part of my life, Abi. Any relationship I'm ever in has to have room for my friend. My best friend gluten.
Abi: Cute.
Javi: Aw Abi...You're so nice.
Abi: You're being very melodramatic about this.
Javi: I'm being honest. I thought that's what you liked about me.
Abi: It is. It was.
Javi: Abi I'm trying my best here!
*Abi raises her eyebrows and takes another sip*
Javi: So what are the odds that you come back to my place with me tonight, Abi?
Abi: I think I'm gonna pass, Javi. Thanks.
Javi: I don't have roommates.
Abi: Well in that case! You know you should really consider going into sales.
Javi: It's one option. So is that a yes?
Abi: Ha, no, Javi. I should probably get going. I'm going to yoga with my aunt and cousin bright and early.
Javi: If you say so.
Abi: Yeah I'm just gonna go ahead and call a Lyft.
Javi: Well, I tried my best. I like you Abi. Can I get you another drink before you go?
Abi: That's okay Javi, thanks.
*Abi's phone pings*
Abi: Oh it looks like *peers at phone screen* Stanley is right outside.
Javi: Already? *suspiciously* Wait...Abi, when did you order that Lyft?
Abi*looks pained*: Oh. Oh Javi. You're wonderful.
Javi: I am slain. You have slain my brittle heart.
*Abi gathers her jacket and purse*
Abi: Thank you for the drink, Javi. This has been great. See you around?
Javi: Okay, whatever Abi. See you around.
*Abi leaves the bar in a hurry*
Bartender: Another lager for our fallen soldier?
*other bar patrons scoff*
Javi: Okay NONE of you can sit there and pretend your close rate is 100%, alright?
*END SCENE*
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